Let’s face it. Family relations are the biggest hot button when it comes to elder care. Who does what. Who pays for what. What’s equitable. Who spends time. Who spends money. Who’s MIA. Who’s pushy. Who’s disengaged.  Learn to fight fair, communicate effectively and leverage the gifts and skills of each family member to benefit your parents and help you retain your sanity.

Sibling Rivalries
Feel like you’ve had it up to here? Tired of getting lip service from your siblings who thank you for the great job you’re doing, but never offer to send you a check, buy you a gift certificate to get pampered, or show up to spend time with your parents? Join the club! One thing we learned doing interviews for the book, is that whoever steps forward and offers to take primary responsibility for parent care will be allowed to do just that…all by their lonesome.

There are always the lucky few caregivers who hail from families that live in nearby communities, or that have great communication skills, who seem to be able to have mature, rational discussions about parental needs and division of labor. But mostly, we heard about shouting matches, or the complete silence attributed to a massive lack of interest or massive self-interest.

Make a “note to self” to take note of this in advance and discuss a game plan with your husband for doing your fair share and making sure your siblings do their parts as well. It may involve developing a work schedule or visitation roster. It may involve monetizing individual contributions to achieve parity. It may involve hiring a mediator or family coach to get everyone on the same page. Do whatever it takes to protect your interests and ensure that your parents’ best interests are served.